tess

i normally never use this anymore but latley ive been going crazy. im so sick and tired of the same people. i need to meet new people. ive been thinking about what a waste of time the people ive actually cared about in my life were and how fucked up things have gotten because of them. it fuckin sucks and i decided that im not gonna waste my time on anyone i sorta kinda like...like they need to be damn worth it. but lucky for me theres noone around anyway haha. idk maybe somebody good will show up sooner or later but right now i dont see it happening. so as of right now i completly give up and im done looking. and im done dealing with the bullshit ive dealt with in the past and the same fucking losers over and over again. by all means someone feel free to change my mind but i doubt you can.

its really wierd how i really only write in this when i am insanley pissed off. considering im really not in bad moods alot either haha...this journal is like a collection of bad days ive had. but today was honestly the worst mood i have ever been in. ive never wanted a day to end so bad in my life. im completely done. i refuse to deal with bullshit anymore. and i know i keep saying that over and over again and still do but this time i mean it. i dont want to deal with people who dont appriciate me the way they should and i dont want to deal with unnessacery stress that i really dont need.
latley people ive hated in the past i really could care less about now too haha. like chances are if i have had problems with u in the past it really doesnt matter now unless youve really done something to hurt me. i dont care enough about anyone to really hate them. i dont want to be mean to anyone anymore unless they really deserve it either. im just so done.
i cant continue to revolve my life around my freidns anymore either cause they just arent reliable. over this past year there have been so many people i used to be so close with that just either hate me or ive just lost touch with and it sucks. ive realized how easily i trust people and that i really shouldnt at all. i always get fucked over no matter who it is even its from someone i least expected it from. i just get completly blindsided. im need to change things big time.

i havnt written in this in so long...to be honest i forgot i had it haha. i got a puppy and ive been pretty freakin happy latley. summers basically here and everythings good. i have nothing to complain about.

today was fun. i saw a hockey game finally so obviously im in a good mood haha. no but today was actually a good day and im in a really good mood. haha i love nicole and cars and n'sync haha and hockeyyy =]] but im too tired to write in this right now i need to go pass out.

ok so this whole my parents being clinicly insane thing is gettting old. their really driving me crayz and not just like normal. like their going the extra mile to make me miserable and it pisses me off soooo much. i went to davis this weekend and it sucked. it wasnt cold there was just absolutly no beach and i was really bored. it was actually really nice out tho so i didnt mind that much. buttt im semi grounded yet again for the dumbest reasons. i seriously slept all day. and then when i got home i slept until like 11. my weekend was totally shot to hell.

i got a job!!!!! enough said. im happy. =]

i dont even know why i have a live journal. anything ive ever written is me moping or talking about how much my mom sucks.

so i ended up taking like a week off from really any type of socializing haha. believe it or not its actually just what i needed. i was feeling so depressed and whatever and i never feel like that i didnt even know what to do with myself it was sooo wierd. but now im back and happier than even normal =] i figured some shit out and its all good now. last night was a lot of fun for staying in gayville i was surprised hahaha i can honestly say my night was really good. buttttt yea so today is beautiful and im loving it. i dont want a freakin noreastern storm its gonna suck. alot. im getting better at breaking my dad on the puppy idea so i guess thats good. im so smooth.

im tired of people thinking they know everything about everything when they know nothing at all. get a clue and then you can say whatever you want. and im tired of my moms bullshit lectures haha seriously. if you couldnt tell its been a couple of shitty days. i wanna move somewhere warm and away from here. i hate this. im so tired of the same people and the same everything. its so boring and so frustrating and i just dont want to deal with it.

last night was rediculous. i almost dont even want to talk about it. i ended up sleeping in nicoles car in the freezing cold drunk off my ass. i used jackets i found at the elementary school as blankets lmao. but everythings ok. i woke up sicker than ever with joe knocking on the window at 5 in the morning. let me tell you, i will never drink again. and im not just saying that. i honestly mean it. at least all the problems that emerged last night resolved them selves pretty quickly. i was really thinking today would be a lot longer than it was. im just happy that everythings not only fine but getting even better. on the other hand, some people i just can not deal with anymore, im tired of the same old shit and when i say something about it, i just get an attitude. grow the fuck up. maybe then ill be able to fix things with you. buttttt it was really good seeing amanda and kathryn last night =] lucy too, i miss them alot.

my moms a complete cunt. woooorrrrddd. i dont even care if you read this hahahahaha

yeah sooo this weekend kinda sucked. it should have been good it just wasnt haha. it basically consisted of taking trains home from freakin mastic cus plans got shut down and smoking far more than i should have and driving around aimlessly. haha hopefully this whole week wont blow. ive been waiting for vacation way to long for it to suck. its finally really getting nice out too =] i love it. things are pretty good right now. im starting to realize how i really actually want things to be. kinda sucks i always make bad decissions but whatever things are good now. i just have to learn consider my options better. but i got sweet friends so im happy =]] i refuse to deal with bullshit any longer. hopefully from now on i wont have to.

i honestly think that if today wasnt as nice as it was i would not be in this good of a mood. today was the most beautiful day i have seen in soooo long and it made me so happy. even though yesterday sucked ass and i was really upset once the sun came out i was like freakin shinin. me nicole and lisa saved a puppy today, i went on a walk, got some amazing ralphs and some new clothes, it was an eventful day hahaha. except i didnt get to go to the hockey game that i wanted to go to like sooo bad. someone needs to take me to a dman hockey game idc where or whos playing i just love it and i need to go see one asap. i got to see lucy tonight!!! im so glad too i havnt seen her in so long. and i saw bill but that doesnt even count cus it was liek for two seconds =[[ i miss old times and old friends. things seemed so much simpler back when everyone got along and hung out like everyday lol. i know its pathetic and everything but idc. good memories. my moms a cunt today. i cant wait to move out.

feeling sooo shitty. everything alwasy seems to be going good and then all of a sudden it sucks again. whatevr single-ish i dont get it. i really thought things were going good this time. guess not. whatever i wont sit and mope about it...some things just dont work i guess as bad as you may want them to. at least i made some sort of an effort. i need some new people in my life. some new parties and new fun. im changing things for the better i guess. im just going to go with whatever now and let things fall into place. hopefully good things will come my way. summer will make everything better.

im really happy ive fixed things with people i have lost touch with recently. ive really missed talking to some of my old freinds and its good to have them back =]. today was good but im mad bored now and i still wanna go out. i hate having to end my nights early it blowsssssss... glad i can get around it sometimes tho haha. got to see lars today =] it sucks not seeing him that often i need to have a car, my life would be so much easier. if i get my baby then i think i could honestly believe there is a god. poppa dukes says no chance tho. theres no one i hate more right now hahaha. i love my life.

i decided to make this so i can write about how boring my life really is haha. im really sick today =[ i like lost my voice and i feel like im dying. sucks but whatever. todays the first day of spring which means ill be able to go to the freakin beach soon!! i cant wait for summer, its seriously the only thing that got me through the winter. i really hope it gets here fast. this weeks been going sooo slow i want the weekend to be here already. today sucked i really hate being sick and i dont like missing school that much surprisingly, its such a pain in the ass. and everyone keeps telling me to make soup. i officially hate soup. you want to make me feel better? get me a puppy. thatll make me happy. k thanks.